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If you are interested in Japanese Sociology, I have a word for you to look into. It is “自己責任論 (Jiko Sekinin)”. In direct translation, it will be “self-responsibility”. With considering the origin of the word (from Wall Street), the translation would be “at own risk”. Both of them are not wrong, but not “quite” yet.

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“What you have now is because of what you have chosen” is the message behind it. “A Japanese who works “part-time” is because they didn’t work/study hard enough to get a better job. Therefore, they are responsible for their life, not society.” I used to believe in this idea. After 10 years, not any more. “Choice” itself is already a privilege.

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I receive a lot of advice. “Find Peace”. “Try to be Happy”. “Don’t think too much”. They worry about me. The difference is they are privileged enough to have choices. No one from a non-privileged group gave me this type of advice. Because they all experience the situation of “No-Choice”. Having Choices is a wonderful thing. However, please acknowledge that not everyone can have the same choices. Even if the goal is the same “to be Happy”, we all have different startline. We cannot change the fact that we have different starts – however ignoring the privilege ends up with minimizing their effort. Sashiko is a choice for you. Sashiko isn’t a choice for me – it is my life. 

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10年ほど前まで、僕は「自己責任論」を強く信じていました。「今ある現状は、数ある選択肢の積み重ねで成り立っている。俺はこれだけ頑張ってるんだ。不平不満があるなら努力しろ」と、自助努力という言葉を盾に、自分の正当性を確信していたように思います。移住した今、真逆の考えを持つに至りました。勿論努力は大切です。ただ、努力をする環境は平等ではありません。あたかも全ての人間が同じスタートラインに立っているように論理を展開するのは間違いです。不平等は存在し、不平等そのものは残念ながら善悪では語れません。事実だから。ただ、不平等から目を逸らし、自己責任と無関心を決めつけることは良くなくて、社会問題の一歩だと思います。

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英語圏における刺し子においても、実は一緒だったりします。世界中で刺し子が流行する今、声を伝えようにも日本語だけだと届きもしません。「刺し子を伝える」という小さなこと一つ取っても、スタートラインは違います。だからこそ、信じられない程の量の英語を毎日書く必要があるのだと思っています。刺し子に人生捧げて且つ英語ができる（恵まれた環境を与えられた）のは、そんなに多くの人はいないでしょうから。また配信で話しますね。

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Let’s talk about “privilege”. You may feel uncomfortable, but here is my honest insight. “Privileged” itself is not about good or bad. If you are privileged, you are privileged. It may not be your choice to be privileged, but you have been. So, what I ask in this account is simple: “Don’t Ignore It”. I am sharing stories so that we can “acknowledge” it in Sashiko. You can hate me, but don’t ignore/indifference the privilege. Otherwise, you will hurt others one day.

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I am extremely privileged. At least, I was. A Japanese male with a (once) wealthy family background living in Japan is privileged. In Sashiko, I am privileged, too, because it was “provided” to me. I didn’t want to do Sashiko, but I am privileged enough to come back when I decided to face to my fate (I explained the reason on Patreon).

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I feel, the privileged people have “a sort of responsibility” to what was provided. Minimizing/suppressing the minority’s voice is one neglect of that. Please remember. Those who can “solve” the C/A issue are also “privileged people”. No matter how loud I shout, I can be only a small stone in the big trend of Sashiko – because it is “English Market” who makes this flow. I feel a responsibility to pass down the numbers of unspoken voices from those who didn’t have an opportunity to speak up because of the language and other cultural barriers. I am NOT conservative in Sashiko. There are(were) a lot more “strict” people. However, their voices are not heard – buried in history.

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Again, there is nothing wrong with being privileged. Again, it may not be your choice, and you are not doing anything wrong for being privileged. It is just a fact. But, when you refuse to acknowledge it, then issues/pain occur. In this context, a chance to learn English is also a privilege. You do not have to worry about language to protect who you are. You are powerful. Your choice affects a big part of “privileged” people in developed countries. Therefore, I am learning English. Therefore, I speak up. You are the future of Sashiko, when you acknowledge it. I am relying on you. I would like to count on you.

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まーた長くなった……。

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Thank you for reading my messages here. It became a “massive” come back after a few days of “recharging” (vacant). This final post for today is not related to the comment I received. It is about DMs I receive when I share these harassments. 【】is the phrase I receive.

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【Focus on your creation (Sashiko)】【Stop the drama】【Be Positive and Keep (your) Beautiful Work (Soul)】. I understand they mean well with admiring what I do. However, they are also shutting down the voices. I am here as the result of focusing on the creation. Many told me that I should have started speaking up 12 years ago… but I didn’t know how Sashiko became in English back then. They say it is too late to share the Sashiko (without pain), but I don’t have any other choice. 

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Please do not define Sashiko & Who we are based on your value. There are reasons why I say Sashiko isn’t Art. Being positive (good vibes) is great, but then what? Do I convince myself that it doesn’t hurt? If you follow this account【just because you (I) want to see a beautiful picture of Sashiko】, then you are in the wrong place. Follow @upcyclestitches where I focus on creation. This is an account where a Native Japanese Sashiko Artisan(s) share the stories of their lives (Sashiko) with what they create as Sashiko in both negative & positive emotion – so called “Ordinary”. I appreciate your admiration of Sashiko as the ◯◯, but shutting me up by saying “Sashiko should be calm, positive, beautiful” is as painful as the other ignorance (therefore, I share many stories and I want you to read them first). I choose to be here, regardless of the pain, with life-staking determination. I want to be positive, but I don’t want to fake to be positive.

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長々と英語の投稿すみませんでした。お休みを頂いた後の久々の投稿にも関わらず、これまで僕が愚痴ってきた「勝手な刺し子への英語圏でのイメージ」を綺麗に網羅するコメントがあり、仕方なく纏めました。来週以降、少し予定に余裕ができると思うので、配信できたら良いなと思っています。

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Continued from the previous post. 

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【This proves your authenticity】I have never referred to my Sashiko as “The Authentic Sashiko”. However, my stories are authentic because they are my memories. The fact I can stitch is also authentic because I can. I don’t know if I am authentic or not, but my Sashiko is a part of Japanese Sashiko history. This is why I am hesitant to “publish“. It is because publications tend to offer the “answer”. What I write may eliminate the other voices. Therefore, I prefer SNS & personal relationships because I can “update” when I need it. “Sashiko = Little Stabs” may be inaccurate, although “I” may be the one who translated it in 1996 (If you know who translated, please do let me know). I hope I can find a way to publish by explaining all of my wishes.

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【You hate Sashiko being Popular】Umm. Have I ever said that? I am VERY happy that Sashiko is getting popular.  All I hate is ignorance & indifference. While NO  experienced  Sashiko artisans in Japan are fighting what is right and wrong in the whole Sashiko, non-Japanese argue the definition & rules of Sashiko. “Sashiko as a visible mending technique” ignores the spirit of those who “had to” stitch for their survival. Eating food on “Boro (inspired) pieces”? Do they enjoy drinking water from a toilet in the 2nd-hand antique store? I want you to enjoy Sashiko. I understand Sashiko will change its form. However, it is natural to wish that the change is considerate and reasonable, right? Not by some superficial “learning” and someone’s convenience.

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Thank you for the DMs. 【Just ignore them】【SNS is not a good place to share the pain】. Both pieces of advice are absolutely valid. However, I choose to be here. I choose not to ignore the “ignorance”. If Sashiko is a well-established culture, I wouldn’t even be here. Since there aren’t many experienced Sashiko artisans who understand English, I need to be here. Since Sashiko is my life, I cannot give up no matter how bad the pain I receive. I hope it makes sense. (being said, I don’t know how one can misunderstand what I write completely opposite, and claiming they read it). One more and that’s it.
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Changed my day. The painful comment in the previous post includes a lot of issues some may be worried about. I find it important. So, here are my responses.【】is the phrase I received.

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【You have a lotta hatred towards Americans】 → I don’t. In fact, the opposite. I do respect them. I just hate ignorance and indifference.

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【How is anyone appropriating culture by reading your caption?】 Nobody is appropriating the culture by just reading what I write. However, when categorizing what I write as “negative or complaining”, a big possibility of Cultural Appropriation occurs. Why? Because I am not complaining. I am writing nothing negative. This is “how THEY perceive” to what I write. The cultural filtration.

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【We are privileged now? (Who is privileged?)】In broader issues of C/A, I understand, non-BBIMP/BIPOC are mostly privileged. I don’t know if it is the same in Sashiko, yet. I am learning. Therefore, I do not say, “Only Japanese can do Sashiko”. I sincerely respect those who think “Only-◯◯ should do” to avoid the C/A. At this point, honestly, I don’t know. To me, anyone who is native in English language has a possibility of being privileged (powerful side) because English has enough power to overwrite the culture. It is what I observe on-going. As much as I want you to learn, I am scared of you, too. My goal is to pass down the unspoken voices of Japanese Sashiko artisans by sharing Sashiko. Since anyone can be privileged in this case, regardless of color or background, I ask them to be mindful first before uttering their ignorance. (Read Patreon Article “Language as Protection”). “Being Privileged” itself isn’t bad. It is just how it is. “Ignoring being privileged and suppressing others based on what they believe” by saying 【get over it】 is just horrible.

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Thank you for your support. The pain is, however, not a majority decision (that’s why it sucks). I appreciate you letting me share the pain here. 2nd part will come soon.

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I am preparing for the first “Online Webinar” about Sashiko. It is challenging to summarize into a few hours of presentation, as you know 700 posts here aren’t enough to share the whole. 37 years of my time with Sashiko. Whew.

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For some, Sashiko is merely a new trend to get excited. Since people want a Quick Direction, they make Sashiko as a product. For me, Sashiko is my life. The scenery where people stitch is my raw memory. I am not saying I only stitched obediently. I hated Sashiko in my childhood. However, since I hated Sashiko so much, I had to think about Sashiko a lot more. Like it or not, all I can do is relate to Sashiko. In the “popularity” trend, some try to “repaint” the culture with the color convenient for them (to make more money and such). I speak up because Sashiko is my identity. “What I can do” shapes “who I am”, and I learned it is natural to feel pain when someone invades it. It is my life. I will never give up. 

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僕は幼少期の記憶を、とても鮮明に覚えています。良い思い出も悪い思い出も、匂いや味、その時の痛みまでも一緒に蘇らせる事ができるほどに。家中に広がる、椎茸出汁の炊き込みご飯と針山。椎茸は苦手だったし、刺し子も大嫌いだったけど。

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良くも悪くも刺し子は僕の人生の全てです。母親は僕を商売道具として使うのを一番嫌ったので、写真や映像としては残っていません。僕はめんどうな性格なので、従順に刺し子だけしていた訳でもありません。でも、ずーっと「刺し子」でした。なんで刺し子なんだろう？なんで周囲の人は喜怒哀楽をばらまきながら針を動かしているんだろう。幼少期の疑問への絶対的な答えなんてのは存在しません。それぞれに物語があり理由があります。

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刺し子は「好み」で完結します。やっぱりお味噌汁と一緒。好きな出汁。苦手な具材。正解なんてどこにもないのです（その地域毎に答えがあるから沢山答えがあり、結果好みになる）。だからこそ、「刺し子を教える時」には、（地域による）好みであることもしっかり教えて欲しいのです。教える人が日本文化を知らない人なら、尚更です。人生を簡素化された時、それを「仕方ないな」と受け入れるか、はたまた傷つくのを承知で立ち上がり、抵抗し続けるのか。僕は後者を選びました。刺し子には、地域毎の素晴らしい特徴があｒります。ただ、絶対的な答えは存在しません。絶対的な答えを押し付ける英語での刺し子は、やっぱり不十分なのです（間違っているのではなく、不十分）。

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Great advice. Why don’t I repost. Reposting my messages I had shared will not take so much time & energy. I hope it will be a re-think moment for you if you are a long-time follower.

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【Repost from 5/15/2019 – where I learned the word “Cultural Appropriation”. I was still so naive… (Slightly Edited)】

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I encountered one discussion on FB about Sashiko. I try to be sincere. I try to reply to the emails & comments as much as time allows. Since I believe Sashiko is more than stitching, when the question is about the Sashiko as the culture, I answer pretty much all of the questions sincerely. (I unfortunately limit the service to answer the technical questions to my workshop students – limited capacity situation – and many answers are already answered online).

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Yet, my replies caused discomfort on one FB group. The angry discussion led us to the fundamental question, why do you (they) call it Sashiko if they were not willing to learn the Japanese culture? It seems they only care what “Sashiko” looks like – not Japanese culture at all.

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Is it my English that is causing the discomfort? If I made confusion because of my writing, and encouraged “the people who are angry” by not reading what I wrote, I understand. I have reasons for writing a long story. However, if it is actually me that is creating confusion – then I would like to learn how to improve.

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The last angry comment was like this: “There are many Sashiko teachers that are welcoming and generous with their knowledge.” If she is calling me “not generous” wihtout reading my messages, then something is missing … and I would love to understand what I am doing wrong. I wrote something very important at the end of the article. It gave me a chance to reconsider what I want to be doing & what my challenges are. Thank you very much for your help in advance.

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Article: https://upcyclestitches.com/why-do-you-call-it-sashiko/ 

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投稿頻度を減らしますというコメントに「リポストすればええやん！」と気楽にお答え頂きました。うん。確かに。なので、過去の文章を遡ってみようと思っています。英語が多くてごめんなさい。

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700 days. I made myself write a story per day. In May 2019, I learned the concept (pain) of Cultural Appropriation. When I say, “the information you know about Sashiko in English is insufficient”, I felt a sort of “responsibility” to explain why it is not enough. I believe I have done a good job so far, although I feel I have shared only 10% of all stories.

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As I have mentioned before, I tried to customize myself to repeat the same message here. Then, I realize how burned-out I am. At least 30 minutes, sometimes more. I had spent more than 350 hours in 2 years. It has been my wish to offer you something to think about – once a day – where you can sit with it and think/feel it through. If I were to “customize” to repeat, then the wish would get diluted. Well, there is a reason I had to “customize” myself. I need to balance my life (make ends meet). 

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I am burned out. Therefore, I will slow myself down, and “may not” post everyday. I will continue sharing and repeating Sashiko Stories. Unfortunately, Nothing has changed over the last 2 years. The “superficial trend” of Sashiko keeps bringing me pain. However, I met many caring people who read mindfully what I write (like you) –  you and I may probably change something together. To do so, I will keep sharing the Sashiko Stories. 

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If you are new here, please try to read as many posts here as possible. Also a lot of information can be found from the link on my profile. If you are busy, listening to Youtube videos while you do something can be a good start. I appreciate your interest here.

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毎日投稿するようにして700日。毎回30分以上はかかっているので、少なく見積もっても350時間。そりゃ英語も上達しますわな。何も成し遂げていないのですが、燃え尽きた感が出てきてしまったので、強制的に休むようにしています。もう昔みたいに、「倒れてから休む」なんていうのはできないのでね。少し投稿頻度を下げるかもです。

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“Use whatever you want” is a valid statement when they know the difference & how hard the origin worked to make it happen. A thimble and Sashiko needles (with specific length) is “optional” for Sashiko only when they know how to use them (otherwise, it is just an excuse for their lack of skill). Stitching from the back of the fabric? Making Knots to stop or NOT making knots to stop? It is a choice of “Sashiko practitioners”, not a rule or answer – therefore, if they teach, they need to be able to do both – Again, it cannot be an excuse for their lack of skill and understanding.

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If Sashiko is a practice of filling the “each stitch printed on the fabric”, then the stitchers experience a part of Sashiko. There is nothing wrong with stitching on the “each stitch sized pre-printed fabric”. I can do that if I have to (I do not prefer the fabric to tell me what to do, though). However, after experiencing the moment of “letting the needle run”, then we can talk about Sashiko. Try not to control the needle as your partner too much. Ask him/her what they want. When you run, don’t you trust your legs? Or… do you measure how long each interval has to be in each step?

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日常に置いて「繰り返しのリズム」って、普通に存在します。運針もその一つ。正解もへったくれもない。手と針と指ぬきにお任せして運針を楽しめば良いのです。玉ねぎのスライス。一つずつ物差しでmmを測り、印を付けて切りますか？ランニング。毎回のステップの長さ、いちいち測りますか？アスリートでも無い限り、そんなことはしないはず。

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玉ねぎに印を付けるとか、インターバルを気にすることが間違っているという訳ではありません。それを「日本ではこうされている」と全体像として語られるのが嫌なんです。刺し子には正解はありません。地域毎に成り立ちも技術も捉え方も違う。ただ、日本文化を当たり前としない人が、「ある（特定の）刺し子が全てだ」と断言すること程、怠慢で危険なことはないと思うんですよね。

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We all have our own beliefs and justice. No personal belief is identical even in the same culture & language. I am sharing something foreign to you (Sashiko) in my second language (English). Of course, my stories can be different from your expectations. However, that’s the reason you are here. The difference (uncomfortableness) is the seeds of understanding. Since you are interested in Sashiko & Japanese culture, please learn the difference. Ignoring the difference & forcing your value on me (& Sashiko) is the (only) problem I feel = it leads to many types of cultural issues.

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Since I expect this, understanding the difference, my activity occasionally ends up with disagreement. It can be quite ugly – especially when it is based on “business (profit)”. I fulfill my responsibility that I agree no matter what. However, I do not compromise my belief either – since I am teaching Sashiko there. 

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I ask a returning student to bring their thimble & needles to the 2nd workshop they take. Some dislike this expectation because it will not be convenient to the students – all the supply should be available. My expectation is based on the story of “spirit”. I do not want to encourage them to minimize the feeling of that – by offering another extra set of tools. It is PERFECTLY fine to have several sets of tools. It is fine to lose needles & thimble. They leave when they want. However, the teacher should share this cultural convenience over the “convenience”. Am I being extra difficult? Probably so. However, someone gotta share it regardless if it pleases the customer/owner or not. Please do not ignore the difference. There are always stories there.

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久々に頭を使わず日本語でお話ができました。居場所って本当に大事だなぁと。ずーっと同じ話ばかりしている感じですが、でも実はそれだけとても単純な願いだったりするのですよ。居場所を守りたい。今の僕の役割では、守ってばかりで良いんです、きっと。攻めに転じる必要は全くない。

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