Offering a lecture in the second language is challenging. Plus, since the topic is intercultural, the word choice becomes very important. I am aware that the people only listen to what they want to listen to. However, it doesn’t mean that I don’t need to practice to be better at communicating. It is my responsibility to find a better way to “share”.
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I was alone for a long time. At least, I felt lonely until I had a life-changing moment. The greatest outcome of me “teaching” and “sharing” is to meet my Sashiko friends: someone I can trust, rely on, and be honest without me fearing (worrying) the outcome. I had a “practice webinar” for the in-person lecture coming this weekend. Not only was it a good practice, but it also made me content (more confident) to the challenging time.
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To be honest, I do not know if what I am doing is “good”. I am just screaming out loud with my pain & fear, to protect my identity. I “teach” Sashiko so that they can enjoy the most delicious part of Sashiko. I always wonder if what I do is good enough. I always “had” questioned myself if what I did was “needed” in society. My Sashiko friends, mainly those who learned Sashiko from me, come back to me to share their works, support me, and just hang out with smiles. They share their own stories. It is “the place (Ibasho)” for me to feel safe: I am here thanks to them and you who care to read our stories, and to be honest, that’s all I want.
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今ではぶよぶよのおじさんになりましたが、昔はスラッとしてた頃もあり、尖ってた頃もありました。刺し子を斜めから見てた時期、あるいは「刺し子なんて未来に必要ないんじゃないか」と勝手に思ってた時期。当たり前に、健康的に、若かりし頃は刺し子に疑問を持ち、反抗してきて今があります。ま、毎回ギリギリの事が続いての今だけど。
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今と昔。何が一番違うかと言うと、「刺し子友達」の存在です。配信では繰り返し言っているのですが、恥ずかしいのを堪えて書くと、「刺し子好きな友達が欲しいなぁ」というのが、僕の配信の、運針会の原点だったりします。今週末の英語での刺し子講演。「練習するから見に来てー」という言葉に、友達が集まってくれ、1時間の練習を聞いてくれ、沢山のフィードバックを下さりました。日本でも、日本国外でも、刺し子を一緒に楽しみ、一緒に考えることができる友達が増えていること。それが一番何よりも嬉しいのです。正解とか間違いとかじゃなく、居場所を作りたいんです。作れることは分かったから。
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